One Week
by Demoness Drakon
Summary: Inspired by Lynnie Kleriker's famous Seven Days, I have done the Fire Emblem 7 version of her story with her permission. That's right, FE 7 girls during that time of the month. Rated for themes, romances and the female tactician's very dirty mouth.
1. Chapter 1

**Drakon: Damn I feel pathetic  
Jin: You re-uploaded an edited version of suckish fic, again.  
Drakon: Yup, this time it was One Week since I was unsatisfied with the original. In case you didn't already know, this is a parody of** **Lynnie Kleriker****'s famous fic, Seven Days. Only instead of Fire Emblem 9, this features the cast from Fire Emblem 7.** **On with the show!**

When Eliwood woke up, everything just seemed like it would be a normal day. He got up like normal, got dressed like normal, and began practicing his swordsmanship like normal. Outside his tent, he could hear the birds were chirping, smell Lowen's cooking was emerging, and hear some poor soul screaming at the top of their lungs. Wait, screaming wasn't normal at all. Putting down his rapier, the red-haired lord stuck his head outside the flap of his tent, only to see Erk and Pent running like hell away from Serra and Lousie, who were both quite mad. That assumption was made since Lousie was firing off arrows, and Serra was trying to beat the two with her staff.

_What the?_ Eliwood made the mistake of walking out of his tent, and was shoved back into the tent by Hector. Let's take a moment to do the math, Eliwood is a thin little guy and Hector was easily three times his size. Law of physics, Eliwood was nearly flattened by his buddy when Hector tripped over a loose rock. To say the redhead was confused was a major understatement.

"Hector, what's going o-" The cobalt-haired lord clamped his hand over his friends mouth. Eliwood could then hear Lyn outside.

"Heecccttttooooorrrrrr…come out, come out wherever you are…" Both men stiffened, the tone their fellow lord was using made them feel like they were being hunted. They held their breath until they heard her light footsteps go away.

"What's wrong with Lady Lyndis?" Eliwood whispered frantically.

"I don't know; she just started chasing me this morning." Replied Hector in the same hushed tones. That was when yet another scream broke out. This one was mildly familiar, Sain. Both lord looked at each other.

"Should we help him?" Well, the answer to that question was yes since the green-loving paladin was a valuable soldier. Pausing to grab his sword, Eliwood and Hector snuck out of the tent, and ran towards were they heard screams. They heard the screams getting louder, so they chose to hide behind a few barrels that most likely contained ale. It was good they chose to vanish when they did since the paladin rode by on his horse, and he was being followed by all three of the Pegasus sisters, all of which were shouting various obstinacies at him, the worst language coming out of Florina's mouth surprisingly. Both lords jumped when they heard a voice behind them.

"What are you two doing here!?" Raven and Lucius apparently were sharing the lords' hiding spot. Eliwood answered his fellow redhead's question.

"Hiding, you?"

"Same thing."

"Who the hell do you have to hide from?"  
"Pricilla, who else Lord Ostia?"

"Quiet." All four men were startled since Jaffar had just appeared next to them in the way creepy assassins like him do. It was a good thing they were quiet since a very, very upset Nino walked by.

"Jaffar, where are you?" Priscilla then walked by.

"What's wrong Nino?" The green-haired mage then broke down into tears.

"I think Jaffar doesn't like me!" The troubadour tried to give her little friend comfort.

"There, there Nino. Let's go get some breakfast. If we see Jaffar, we can beat some sense into him." Nino tearfully agreed and the two girls walked off. Ten seconds later, all four of the men hiding deemed it safe to come out.

"Looks like we're not the only ones having trouble Hector." The axe-man nodded in agreement with his friend. Raven looked at the pair like they were complete idiots.

"I don't know about you two, but I'm going to find a new hiding spot, let's go Lucius." The red-haired mercenary then ran off with his bishop friend following him, and Jaffar just vanished into the shadows like the wraith he is. Another scream then broke though the air; this time it was a female scream.

"MATTHEW YOU'RE A FUCKING DEAD MAN!!" Eliwood and Hector turned to each other slowly.

"Was that?"

"Uh-huh."  
"Should we investigate?"

"Yes."

"Fine." Both of the lords ran towards the origin of the shriek, aka, the Tactician's tent. They then stopped short when a large and heavy book flew past their heads. Matthew, the intended target, was trying to reason with a very pissed off female, aka Rhia the Tactician.

"Come on Rhia, let's be reasonable!"

"BULLSHIT! I AM BEING FUCKING REASONABLE! IF I WASN'T I WOULD HAVE CUT YOUR DAMN THOAT!!" Eliwood and Hector were in a state of shock. Generally, Rhia was much more polite then that, and less violent, much less violent. The dirty blonde thief then had the logic to basically run like hell past the lords, and to another part of the camp. Which left Eliwood and Hector as targets. But, somehow, the auburn-haired girl took on a rather sickingly sweet tone when she saw the lords and walked up to them.

"Lord Eliwood, Lord Hector, how are you today?" Both men blinked stupidly. Rhia wasn't known for extreme sweetness either.

"Rhia, are you feeling alright?" Hector had the feeling he would regret the question eventually, but for once that sense wasn't correct.  
"Yes, I'm perfectly fine. Just a little annoyed with Matthew." Just the happy tone in which Rhia said that scared the shit out of them. She didn't notice the terror of her lords though.

"Well, I'm off to find him, bye bye!" She bounced off in sort of a cheery manner; leaving her employers in the dust. Once the tactician was out of earshot, Hector just turned to Eliwood and said.

"Is she alright?"

"Don't worry, it's normal for women." Matthew just appeared behind the two; apparently he had snuck back after the redheaded girl ran off. Hector pointed towards the direction Rhia went off.

"That isn't normal at all!"

"Oh really, who's been in a company with Rhia, or women for any amount of time before?" Both lords didn't have anything to say since it was true; the thief had been part of Lyndis's Legions only a year or so before; so he possibly had had experience with such matters. Matthew continued on.

"About once a month, all of the women will become very moody for about a week. And it gets worse as the week goes on from what I've seen." Hector's eyes widened, and Eliwood almost fainted from the shock.

"Please tell me your kidding!" Matthew just said that he wasn't kidding as Wil ran by with Rebecca on his tail, basically demanding sex. Eliwood just stared on, very much terrified.

"This is going to be a long week." There was silence for a moment until:

"THERE YOU ARE YOU DAMN THIEF!" Matthew's expression changed from it's usual smile, to more of an 'oh shit' one. Rhia apparently had turned around, and seen him speaking with the lords. The sandy-haired thief then just turned and ran as fast as any thief could. The red-haired tactician of course followed her target. Eliwood noted that she had a dagger out as she ran past him and Hector.

"Hector, does Rhia know how to use a dagger?" The lord shook his head.  
"I don't know, and I don't want to ask."

That was when they heard several loud crashes coming from the direction of the mess hall. Both lords just ran to see what the commotion was about, and it wasn't pretty. The shaggy-haired cavalier was being beat with various cooking utensils by Nino, Senna and Pricilla.

"How dare you say such things to Nino when she is sad!" Shouted Pricilla as she hit poor Lowen over the head with a very heavy frying pan. The green haired girl followed up by smacking him with a wooden spoon, and Senna smacked him with her stave. Since Lowen was Eliwood's knight, he decided to try and help him.

"Ladies, restrain yourselves." All three magic users turned away from the now battered Lowen, and to the red-haired lord. Senna then shouted;

"Shut up Pansywood! Don't tell us what to do!!" Nino and Pricilla then joined in on the 'wailing on Eliwood' party.

"Yeah, meanie!"

"Be nice Pansywood!!" Lowen chose to run like hell out of the tent since the girls' attention was on his lord. The three magic users didn't notice since they were still insulting Eliwood. Hector, deciding to be of help to his friend, just pointed at the tent flap opposite of where Lowen had just vanished and said;

"Hey Nino, Jaffar's over there!" When all three girls looked over, both lords made a run for it, following the cavalier's path. However, Jaffar really was where Hector was pointing and he was currently cursing under his breath at his crappy luck. Yeah, it's a really good thing he's an assassin, and therefore can run pretty damn fast. The bad part is that Pricilla had gotten very, very good with her Anima magic. Poor bastard.

Back with Eliwood and Hector, they managed to catch up with the very much beaten up green-haired cavalier.

"Thank you Lord Eliwood."

"What happened?" Lowen shuddered before telling his Lord what happened.

"Nino and Pricilla came in this morning and Nino was looking upset. I asked her what was wrong and she freaked out and started beating me over the head with her tome! Then Pricilla joined in, and Senna walked by and grabbed one of the pans, and told Pricilla that it would be more effective then her book. You two came in five minutes after that. I have no idea what's going on!" Hector patted Lowen on the back.

"Well, from what Matthew's told us, the girls are all being moody."

"And they'll be like that for about a week." Finished Eliwood. If one could actually see Lowen's face, they would have seen his eyes widen significantly.

"THERE YOU ARE HECTOR!" The blue-haired lord cursed under his breath, and then began running as fast as any huge guy wearing about sixty pounds of armor can, which is significantly slower then Lyn. Well, at least he had about a ten-meter head start. The teal haired Lord ran by, oblivious to Eliwood and Lowen, who was completely terrified.

"Lord Eliwood, I'm going to go hide now."

"Good idea." With that, the cavalier ran off to find a hiding spot, and Eliwood decided it would be a good plan to try and locate Rhia. Crazy or not, she was their tactician, and she had a job to do. Or at least find where she stored her battle plans, whichever he found first. As he went through the campsite, he noticed that several male members of the army were being chased, trying to hide, or hiding badly in the case of the Wyvern rider Heath (He tried to disguise himself and his wyvern as a small hill). He did make one observation though, he didn't see Ninian or her brother Nils around.

_I hope Ninian is all right. _Well, Eliwood's question was answered when Ninian suddenly glomp-tackled him from behind.

"ELIWOOD!!" To say that the lord was surprised would be the understatement to the century. It isn't everyday that a pretty girl just tackles you. Eliwood's face went as red as his hair as the green haired girl clung to him.

"Ninian?" She just smiled, and took on an overly happy tone.

"Of course silly." She continued hugging Eliwood, and that was when Nils walked by and saw his older sister wrapped around Eliwood.

"Oh no, Ninian!" The smallish bard attempted to pry his sister off of Eliwood, but being as he is small, he wasn't successful. Nils looked apologetically at the redhead.

"Sorry Eliwood, she started acting like this today."

"It's alright Nils, I'll get out of this eventually."

While Eliwood was being squeezed by Ninian, Sain was still riding like hell from the Pegasus Sisters, who were thankfully about 100 meters behind him. But here's the thing, horses get tired after galloping for a while, and Sain had been avoiding Fiora, Florina and Farina for the past half hour and his horse was built for toughness, not running. So, once he rode behind one of the tents, Merlinus's storage tent to be precise, he dismounted and ran into the tent, praying to St. Emiline that they didn't find him. He didn't expect to find Kent and Matthew hiding out there as well. Sain was going to ask what his friend and the thief were doing, but Kent answered before the question even left his mouth.

"I'm hiding from Lady Lydis and Farina, and Matthew is hiding from Rhia and Senna. Dare I ask who you're hiding from Sain?"

"All three of the Pegasus sisters, Rebecca and Dart. They've gone mad!" Well, Kent and Matthew didn't hear that last part since they were stuck on 'Dart'. Cue, a very awkward moment. After a few quiet chuckles, the thief just had to ask:

"Why is Dart chasing you?" Sighing, Kent gave the likely answer.

"He probably hit on Rebecca, and Dart, who is her brother, was around to hear it." Sain clapped, being slightly dramatic.

"Well done my intelligent comrade, that is what happened! I was just speaking to the wondrous archer, and then that pirate came around and- " The long-winded paladin had his mouth clamped over by both of the other men in the tent.

"Shut up!" Whispered Kent angrily. The reasoning behind that was because there were voices outside the tent.

"Were is he Farina? His horse is right there."

"No idea Florina."

"He could have gone off on foot."

"True, but we would have caught him by now."

"Farina, Florina, Fiora, what are you three doing over here?"

"We're trying to find Sain, have you seen him Rhia?" At the mention of the tactician, a certain sandy-haired thief began searching for alternate ways out of the storage tent they were hiding in, Senna may be bad, but Rhia was 1000 times worse then the cleric primarily because of her skills a blade. Being as it was the tent Merlinus kept all of the non-sharp-and-pointy objects for the company in, and therefore was crammed full of various healing staves, vulnitaries, elixirs, a few crests, and several tomes they had no idea how to use, the trio had nothing better to do besides pray.

"No, but did you check the tent?"

"No…"

"Chances are, he's there." If one needed to know the thoughts of any of the three men, they would basically be; we are so fucked. Let's take a moment to assess the odds. Starting with girls, Florina, Farina and Fiora have their lances and (In the case of Fiora) swords. Rhia also has her dagger. Now for the guys; Sain has an old sword with him, Kent has his sword, and Matthew has squat since his weapons had broken in the last battle and he hadn't opted to replace them yet. In translation, their chances of getting out of there were slim to none.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Poor bastards didn't stand a chance.

Back with Eliwood, Ninian and Nils, the red-haired lord still had the green-haired girl attached to him. To be blunt, the thought of being hugged by Ninian was losing its appeal.

"Um, Ninian. Would you please let go of me now?" She giggled before answering.

"No." The lord sighed in defeat before turning to Nils, who was still trying to pry his sister loose.

"Nils, please try to find Lucius, Canas or anyone who is sane and can use a sleep stave. I think that's the only chance I have of getting Ninian off me." The bard nodded, and ran off to find any of the male magic users. Easier said then done. Pent and Erk were still running from Louise, and Lucius was hiding with Raven. Which leaves the Druid, who conveniently walked by at that moment.

"Hey Canas, can you help Eliwood?" Canas just took in the strange sight of Ninian hugging Eliwood before speaking.

"Um, dare I ask what's wrong with Ninian?"

"I'd rather you not, just find that staff please" With one last glance in the lord's direction, the Druid chose to make his way to the storage tent. After five minutes, Canas got there, but he wasn't expecting Kent and Sain stripped down to their underpants, tied up, and being beat up by three Pegasus knights with the butts of their lances. To say that Canas nearly pissed himself would be completely accurate. He actually did when Farina turned to him, her killer lance in hand.

"What are you doing here Canas!"

"U-um, I need-d to get a sleep stave l-ladies." Stuttering was unavoidable at this point since the Druid was terrified. The blue-haired knight just shrugged, and went back to torturing Sain. After locating the staff, Canas chose to use it and whacked all three of the sisters with the orb on the head of the stave, thankfully knocking them out. Sain and Kent were very, very happy that the Druid had just saved them both from more brutal beatings, and ecstatic when he managed to cut them free. Good deed done, Canas went to go assist Eliwood with his little problem. Well, the problem had grown since now Ninian was attempting to make out with the lord, not that poor Eliwood had a problem with that; he just had pictured it a bit differently. So, he cast the spell quickly and the green-haired girl fell asleep quickly allowing Nils to detach his sister from Eliwood.

"Thanks Canas. Nils, can you get your sister back to your tent?" Nils nodded, and then preceded to half carry, half drag his sister away, whereas Canas chose to go back to his own tent to either hide and or change. Eliwood then decided to continue his search for Rhia. The tactician couldn't be that hard to find right?

Matthew was having two major problems at the moment. One was that he was tied up and unarmed. Two, he was tied up and unarmed, and stuck in Rhia's tent. That's right, the tactician had dragged the thief back to her tent after finally catching him. The positive, the Tactician was off getting a new dagger since hers broke when she was helping the Pegasus sisters capture him, Kent and Sain. Here are his options; wait for Rhia to get back and probably endure torture, or escape. You don't have to be a genius like Canas or Pent to figure out which option Matthew took. Being as the brunette tactician knows a few things relating to capture of prisoners, Matthew's hands were tied together, his arms were tied against his chest, and his feet were bound. So the sandy-haired thief began just sort of wiggling out of the tent like a worm, praying that Rhia didn't get back before he found some form of sharp object to cut himself free. Well, St. Emiline must have liked him at the moment since Eliwood walked into the tent, apparently looking for Rhia.

"Matthew, what are you-"

"Rhia tied me up, and I don't want to know what she is planning when she gets back." The lord raised an eyebrow, but chose to cut Matthew free with his rapier.

"Thank you my lord, I owe you one."

"Here's a good idea, help me find where Rhia keeps all of her maps, and books, all the stuff she uses to plan strategies."

Back with Hector, he was having difficulties evading Lyn. The lord was just too fast for him to avoid. So, his new plan on Lyn evasion involved 'borrowing' someone's horse and using said horse to go to the opposite end of camp and hide there. Well, his plan worked; but at the expense of the nomad Rath since Hector had 'borrowed' his horse while he was off honing his skills. The Sacaen wasn't at all happy with this, and even less happy when Lyn turned her sights on him.

"Hello Rath." The archer was weirded out, and the feeling increased when Lyn suddenly kissed him on the lips. Yeah, let's leave it at that for a while, since you don't want to know what happened next.

Back with Eliwood and Matthew, they managed to locate all of the important stuff, specifically Rhia's maps, her information on the army's supplies, and for some reason her journal (Matthew was interested in that one). It only took about two minutes actually since the tactician wasn't really paranoid. Well that was about to change since Rhia walked in to her tent, a killing edge in hand. Enter the 'oh fuck' feeling.

"Eliwood, why did you untie Matthew?" The sweet, childish voice she said that with was enough to send chills down even the most battle hardened soldier's spine. The pair looked at each other before attempting to run past the tactician. Somehow, they both succeeded in their attempt and they split up as soon as they were out of the tent, Matthew going left and Eliwood going to the right. What the poor lord didn't realize was that the direction he turned was towards where Erk and Pent had been running away from Louise. So that meant crossfire, but Eliwood didn't realize that until he nearly was shot.

"Crap!" Eliwood took off in the direction from which he came, praying that Louise wouldn't follow. The Lord made his way back to his tent, to hide for the rest of the day.

_Well, my tent is as good of a hiding place as any, at least I have Rhia's plans in case we get into a fight._

**Drakon: Well, it's at least 2,000 words longer then the original; and it covers the first day. And it transitioned a bit better the the first. Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Drakon: Thanks for the whole 3 reviews. It makes me happy to know at least 3 people are reading this sad excuse for humor.  
Jin: Don't believe that last line.  
Drakon: Don't own Fire Emblem, but I own Rhia and her odd-ness. On with the chaos!**

Day 2

Guy woke up like it was any other day, however, what he didn't know was that Matthew was sleeping on the floor of his tent, his burgundy cloak wrapped around his thin form.

"What the hell! Matthew!" The thief just opened his eyes, and yawned.

"Morning Guy." The swordmaster wasn't pleased, at all.

"Why are you in my tent?!" Matthew pushed himself into a sitting position, and pretended to look thoughtful for a moment.

"Well, you see, Rhia has been trying to kill me for the past day, and hiding in my tent would be like putting myself on a gilded platter. So I decided to hide in yours!" To say Guy was irritated was possible an understatement.

"Why mine?! Couldn't you hide in Hector's, Oswin's or even _Serra's_?" Matthew just gave Guy his false smile, the one he used on everyone else.

"You owe me last time I checked. And Lord Hector is being chased around by Lady Lyndis so he couldn't possibly be a good host; Oswin said no, and Serra is mad, both literally and figuratively." Guy seemed to expand with anger, how many times would Matthew hold those damn favors over his head?

"Fine, but if she finds you, you're on your own Matthew." Matthew couldn't help but smirk.

"Don't worry, she probably won't."

* * *

On the other side of the camp, Lucius was in trouble. Serra had always thought the blonde bishop was a girl, and the cleric had somehow managed to convince Nino of it. So both of the girls had managed to tief him up, gag him and drag him to Serra's tent, which was packed with her dresses, makeup and other such feminine products. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what the girls were planning.

_Need to get out, must distract Serra…Lord Raymond please help me…_ Lucius was praying that he would either get out, or Raven finding him. Neither of those options were looking so good since Senna began putting makeup on his face.

"Oh Lucy, you'll look so pretty once we're done!" Lucy, yes, Serra was calling Lucius, Lucy.

"Hey Senna, how would this dress look on her?" Nino held out a long, low cut, sky blue dress with lace around the edges. Serra clapped her hands together happily.

"It's perfect! Raven will think you're beautiful in that dress!"

"Yeah, that will make him forget about Pricilla!" Poor Lucius, he was bright red in the face and trying to protest what the two girls were unknowingly saying. That was when Rhia poked her auburn head into the tent.

"Serra, have you seen Matthew? Oh, and what are you doing?" Lucius tried to tell Rhia through the gag, but he failed. Serra happily told the generally 'I-could-really-care-less' tactician what they were doing.

"Really, that sounds like fun!" The blonde monk began crying.

_I'm doomed. _Rhia hugged just patted him on the back and she laughed.

"Oh don't cry Lucy, you're going to look amazing once we're done! Raven will love this!" Poor man didn't stand a chance.

* * *

Speaking of Raven, he was having 'protective older brother' syndrome. The reason being was that his little sister was flirting with the Wyvern rider, Heath. And what do older brothers do when such things are happening? The answer for the last of the House of Cornwall was to simply threaten the living daylights out of Heath, or seriously injure him. Take one guess which path Raven took. Once his sister had skipped off to find her fellow magic-using friends, the red-haired hero pulled a steel axe from its holder, ready to go ahead an attack Heath once his back was turned. His chance came two seconds later. However, Raven wasn't aware of three things, one of which being that Rhia had given Heath an Elysian Whip, signifying that he was prepared to become a Wyvern lord. The second thing, Rhia had given him the whip two weeks ago, plenty of time for him to practice with a sword. Raven realized those two, as well as the third thing as Heath turned around, steel sword out. Axes really do lose to swords. Ouch.

* * *

Back with poor Lucius, he had been put fully into what can simply be known as drag. His blonde hair had been done up in elaborate curls, and he had been forced into a dress that really did make him look like a woman. And he was not planning on being dragged out of the tent. However, Serra, Rhia and Nino thought otherwise and began pulling him by his arms.

"Please, Senna, Nino, Rhia!" The girls ignored him, and he ended up outside the tent, and in full view of Sain, who had been hauling ass to the mess hall before the Pegasus sisters or Rebecca showed up and tried to murder him, again. He stopped, turned around, and then gave into his womanizing nature.

"What beauty is this? I have not seen your face before, may I ask your name fair maiden?" Rhia answered for Lucius.

"This is Lucy!" That's all the green knight needed to run with.

"Oh dear Lucy, your golden locks are so wondrously beautiful. And your eyes shine like blue pools of glorious depth. And-"

"SAIN, IT'S ME LUCIUS!" Lucius just interrupted Sain mid-rant, somehow amazed at how he managed to shout, causing the paladin to look a little more closely at 'Lucy'.

"Oh, Lucius! Why are you dressed like-" Rhia smacked Sain upside the head.

"Her name is Lucy, get it though your thick head Sain! Let's go Lucy." The trio of girls dragged poor, poor Lucius off to find Raven. Sain was still stunned. He stayed frozen in fear, until he heard the words.

"THERE YOU ARE SAIN!" Come out of the mouths of all three of the Pegasus sisters. After that he ran, grabbed the nearest horse he could find and started riding like hell, again.

* * *

Over in Canas's tent, Raven was busy explaining how he managed to get several cuts all over himself, as well as a lovely black eye.

"Once again, what happened to you exactly?" The red head wasn't overly happy with having to explain again.

"I told you, I walked into a tent pole and fell into the weapons tent." Yes, he was lying. The reasoning was that he didn't really want to explain that Heath had beat the hell out of him for, as the wyvern rider put it, 'attacking him unprovoked'. The plum-haired druid just nodded, choosing to accept Raven's story for now. He grabbed his Mend staff and began working on healing the redhead. However, healing poor Raven was interrupted by Pent coming in, obviously in need of medical attention (The arrow sticking out of his shoulder was a dead give away).

"Canas, can you give me a hand? Lousie has gone nuts and, well-"

"Get in line, he's going to fix me first." Raven interrupted. Pent looked sort of surprised at the condition of the hero.

"What happened to you?" Raven sighed.

"I walked into a pole, and fell into the weapons tent." The sage, used to knowing pretty much everything chose not to be lenient like his darker counterpart.

"You're lying. What really happened?" Before Raven had the chance to answer truthfully, Rhia and her entourage came in, dragging poor Lucius.

"Hey Raven! We want you to meet Lucy!" The blonde monk was trying to disappear at the moment, hoping no one would get a good look at him.

_Why me? I've been a good monk, St. Emiline please smite me and keep me from this embarrassment. _Well, to his chagrin, St. Emiline was too busy laughing her holy ass off to care. As for the men in the tent, they weren't very amused. Their reactions varied from:

"Lucius? What the? Are you actually into that sort of thing?" to,

"Do I want to know?" and from the great Mage General himself,

"Rhiannon…why?" And you know what Rhia's reply was?

"Because Lucy is a girl!"

* * *

Back with Guy, he was trying to get his mind off of the irritating Ostian spy in his tent. To do such, he was practicing. Generally, he would train with Karel, but for some odd reason or another the Sword Demon was nowhere to be found. So today's opponent, Eliwood. Why the Phearean? Because the redhead was the first person he came across that wielded a sword, and wasn't loony. It was in between matches and their score was at tied at 2 wins apiece. Their practice was cut short by yelling, male yelling to be precise.

"Oh no, who's been tortured this time?" Muttered Eliwood. Guy caught this.

"What do you mean this time?" Another scream burst though the air.

"I'll explain later, right now, we should help whoever is being tortured." Both of them ran towards the scream, to find Lucius towards them, wearing a dress.

"Lord Eliwood!" The very feminine monk ran past them, and then began using his superior as a human meat shield. A lucky move on Lucius's part, being as Rhia, Senna, and Nino had run up to them.

"Lord Eliwood, Guy have you seen Lucy?" Said Senna, panting slightly. Guy's reaction was foreseeable.

"Who the hell is-" Eliwood clapped a hand over the sworsman's mouth before he said something that would get the three of them horribly injured.

"What we mean is, we haven't seen her." The trio of girls nodded, and then ran off in search of 'Lucy'. Lucius was crying tears of joy.

"Thank you Lord Eliwood!"

"You're welcome Lucius, but why are you in a dress?"

"Rhia, Serra and Nino think I'm a girl." There was silence for a moment, until Guy broke it.

"Happy I'm not you." That was when Matthew came up, apparently drawn by the noise.

"What's going on here-why is Lucius dressed as a woman?" The poor monk just looked down in complete depression, muttering words such as 'Rhia', 'crazy' and 'insane females'. That gave him enough information.

"So, the girls dressed you up. Well, I must say they did a good job. Almost had me fooled." That didn't improve Lucius's mood any.

* * *

Back with Raven, he was still in shock from seeing his best friend in a dress, and then running away from a bunch of insane women. Yeah, no healing stave can fix that bit of mental scarring. So, the hero went looking for his friend, hoping he found him before Senna, Nino or Rhia did. However instead of finding his friend he found his sister, who was making out with Heath in a secluded spot. Oh this was going to end well.

"HEATH!" The couple turned to see Raven, his face as red as his hair, with possibly steam coming out of his ears. Well, you can safely guess what happened next.

* * *

Back with the Lucy-I mean Lucius, the monk was getting his little wardrobe malfunction fixed. And whom you might ask was helping him? Matthew of course, having people indebted to him normally was beneficial, for him anyway.

"Thank you Matthew! May St. Emline bless your kindness."

"You're welcome Lucius. Just don't forget you owe me a few favors for covering you little problem." If one is wondering why Lucius didn't just go back to his tent and grab a new set of robes; the reason is Rhia thought it was a 'brilliant' idea to get rid of all of Lucius's 'boy's clothes' while the other girls were working on his makeup. So that's the reason he was borrowing some of Matthew's extra shirts, pants and boots. Well, he actually looked like a boy for once in his life since a thief's clothing is anything but feminine. After the little problem was fixed, they went off to look for Raven. Lucius decided it would be a good idea to hide out in his scary friend's tent since not even Rhia was suicidal enough to bug the redhead (When she is acting normal, whether or not this holds true for now is unknown). The sun was starting to set, casting shadows everywhere, thus giving the odd pair plenty of places to hide from the crazy female creatures. In fact, on the way there, they saw Sain running away from the Pegasus knights, Isadora abusing Harken with her short spear, and Rebecca chasing down poor Lowen. Lucius was in shock.

"Matthew, what possesses the girls to act like this?" The thief shrugged.

"I'm not too sure, but it could be that-oh crap Rhia, hide!" With that, the Matthew tugged poor Lucius down behind the always-convenient beer barrels. The tactician was skipping past the barrel, singing,

"I'm going to catch a thief, I'm going to catch a thief and his name is Matthew…" And the disturbingly happy little tune continued on like that as she kept looking for her target. Now Lucius was wondering what Matthew had done to piss the tactician off so badly, so he asked him.

"Er…well, you see-isn't that Raven over there?" Matthew changed the subject. And the hero in question was currently on the ground, unconscious, and bleeding profusely. The blonde's reaction, run over and try to help his best friend. Thankfully, Lucius had had the intelligence to bring a heal stave (He had been practicing with it since Rhia gave him a Guiding Ring a week before she went insane). A few words later, several of Raven's cuts and other various injuries healed up. With that, the mercenary regained consciousness, and sat up.

"Ow, damn Heath."

"Are you all right Lord Ray-"

"Yes, shut up Lucius." Raven had caught notice of the Ostian spy hanging around. The action wasn't unnoticed by Matthew though, but he kept that bit of information to himself.

"What happened?"

"Do we have to discuss this in front of him?" Raven's index finger was pointed at Matthew.

"Ok, I can see I'm not wanted. So long." And with that, Matthew just disappeared, but in reality, he just hid himself in the shadows and eavesdropped. From what he gathered, Pricilla had been kissing Heath, Raven interrupted, and the Wyvern lord beat the hell out of him for upsetting Pricilla (Who Matthew had just learned was Raven's younger sister). Matthew, being of devious nature, was going to remember this for the next time he needed help from Raven or Pricilla.

**Drakon: Playing with the horizontal ruler and seeing how it works out. I like it more, helps with the shifting plot. Reveiw?**


End file.
